9 min read
04 Apr
04Apr

Oh Coders
I would have words with you
As what I tried to do
And have done many times before
Was stopped from doing
Because a picture of three different drawings
All sitting right side up
Were shown as if they weren't

And as you can imagine
I am not a happy little camper
And am rightly peeved
Which is not the word
That I used when it happened

So I have a photo
Of one of the drawings now
Rightly pointed up
But I had to take it
In the wrong direction
Because suddenly
For no dang reason
And that's a different d
That I'd be writing
If I didn't want to be
Properly pg
Because it makes no sense to me
That with no earthly reason
My photos are stupidly tipped
In the wrong direction

Yeah I had to use a workaround
Just like I have to use here
But that's not an issue of coding
No that's a corporate durrh
Changing some that was right
To something that isn't

So it's actually clever of me
With all the credit
On my shoulders
And all the blame on them

But this is about the coders
Who I blame for this
Because I can't think of who but else
To blame for such a thing
But happening right out of the blue
And slowing me from the do
That I had to do
Repeatedly yes
With a workaround
I shouldn't have needed

So I lashed out
At the smartly pantsed
Who make it so hard
When they speak to us
Yes those like me
Who are oh so easily
Frutrated with tech
That gives us heck
When it doesn't work
As it but should
Like this curious case
Of the photos that suddenly
Aren't standing right
As they normally would

Yeah Happy Easter to me
Which doesn't hold the meaning
That it once did
When I was a kid
And older too
As there was the candy then
And family of course
But there's the whole sad matter
Of a Global Pandemic
Which means meeting with family
Is not a doing
But meant to be rushed into

So it's much a same old day
No holiday here
Inside my flat
Which as ever
Rhymes but better yes
Than apartment eh
And is squealingly given
Two hooves up
By Augustimus Noble
Who unlike me
Loves to do
That fiendish puzzle
The Sudokhu
Which must be why
I got it for Christmas
Because Santa knew about
My noble little pig
As you can't keep a secret from him

Yeah me and Augustimus
My little spirit animal
Who I've somehow lived but with
For five good years
And never mentioned once
Until yesterday yes
When he was first created
That's gonna cause
Some aches in the heads
Of my dear readers
Though they'll not tell me this
As they're so shy

But no that ain't
Anything new at all
Because I've got it bad
An Anti-Charisma
That would be even worse
If I'd tried to live out the odd idea
I remember having once
As I was riding a bike with friends
As memory serves
Though the details of
The serving could be wrong
It was definitely as I was riding my bike
That I wanted to be
Canada's PM
When I up and grew

And no that's not a thing
That I'll ever do at all
As that was a fleeting thought
For I was never meant to lead
As I can't draw many to me
Which is the suck
Since I have my aims
Where drawing to
Is a key ingredient
And not just as a writer no
Because I'd do better
If my drawings were better eh

Not that I'll give it up
I'm a daily drawer
Until I can't no more
Hopefully when I die
And not before
Because I would hate to lose
What I'm in the early years of doing
When I'm still climbing towards
Whatever ceiling I have
For how not bad
My art can be
Which is of course
Yet to be determined
As I've only been drawing
Since the almost very end
Of 2017
As it was the 30th of December
Which I well remember
As the day that I was finally ready
To draw man draw
Each and every blessed day
And set aside the belief
Of the past 30 years
Where I was like
I can't draw
And only briefly tried
Some years before

Now I'll admit
I know my ceiling's low
But not too low no
That I can't make a happy buck or two
From what I can do
Witness the shirts
Though slow to the sale
I don;t think I'll fail
To sell the order out
It's just a matter of when
And how but hard
I promote their being
Which you can look upon
Right over yonder
In the Lakewear wing

And I'm certain sure
You'll find one of the three
Of a liking to you
And if not one of those
There are ever more
That will be offered up
For the good of sale

So with summer coming
Don't you need a shirt
That's a goodly vision
Of a friendly Canuck
And who doesn't like us eh

Well of course there are those
Who don't like us no
But you're not one of them
Whether you come from here
In the friendly North
Side but next
To the United States
Not no hat
Or attic either
Just a neighbouring nation
That loves the celebration
Of Holidays and deeds
We just tend to be quieter about it
Save for Hockey and Curling
Which we're rightly proud but of
Though it's actually the latter
And not the former
That we're that much better at

But I digress
And hope but yes
You'll be along soon
Ordering a shirt or three
Because it's a need
In spite of everything yeah
We still need clothes

Though that won't come today
As today is just another day for me
Where I write write write
And draw some too
Because that's what I do

And to that end
As I pause
For my first count
In the first good quarter
In which I'm writing
I'll say but half a field
Is the harvest yes
That I've gotten so far

Though I'm more happy to be wrong
When it comes to comes to counting
As I happily was
For it was more than a field
That I made my field
In little more than an hour
As I flexed my power
As Poet Par Excellence
Whether I'm your favourite or not
Or even crack the top good two
This what I do
As the best of me
And I have more than a chance
To rhyme a million words
If not this year
Than surely in a year to come
Because three months through
I was standing tall
And not tired at all
From the goodly harvest
Of 282 fields
Of goodly Petrie verse
Which averages out
To well beyond a million
Which is more than I need
As I'm only seeking
50 k more
For turning fifty of course
Or cheekily yeah
Fiddy 'cause it's fun to say
And even write

Hey not all feedings of the soul
Are meant to be serious
As is a certain wont
That I happily claim
Especially in the tales I write
Any humour in them is
Not so much
If at all

And yet I like to crack wise
As I'm ever keenly ready
To drop the wordplay down
For which you have to be quick
And smart as well
To draw the elements together
Not to mention listening
Which is a rightful plaint
That women have against men

Now not that they'll heed my thoughts on this
But ladies
You should pay more
And even affection
To the witty man
Who's ever ready to drop it down
And listening because of that
Because he is smart
And likes to share the joy
He has in the play of words

Yes I advocate for me
But I'm closer to thinking
That any hope
Of a me and a her
Just ain't gonna be
Even once we're past
The you know what
And I managed to ask
A woman out
In whatever fashion
Either directly yes
Which I confess
I've long been scared to do
Thanks to the weight of no
That shows in my face
Or through the web
Which has had its share
Of good and bad
But considering where I am
Totally single
And getting too old
To maybe mingle
Has it really worked out

So maybe for others
I'm sitting here
Imagining some clever guy
Who cannot buy
A right good chance
To get to dance
Metaphorically speaking
With some good woman
Because he's quick to pun
And play with words
And we're sadly inclined
To say that's not fun
So we'll pick Duke the dull
Who's six foot three
And loves the comedy
Of slapstick and pratfalls
Which surely has a place
But must it come at the expense
Of clever little Calvin
Who's 5 and 7
While wearing shoes
But smart as a whip
And his best self
When he's at ease
Which isn't in the seeking phase

Yeah give him a chance I say
Even if I myself
Have long since blown it
As I'm in the books of the bad
And never date him
For past offences
From this and other lives
He's a right good egg
And you might like him a lot
If you give him a shot

Not not that you need
Any thoughts from me
About how to live your life
I'm just a poet writing
Some goodly rhyme
As I have the time
And full intent
To do this thing
And hope it all works out

Speaking of things
That work themselves
Well in my favour
My second count showed
That I was on the way
To 2 full fields
But harvested yes
With plenty of time
For the writing of rhyme
As I need but four a month
Of just such a doing
Because four's the right number
Whatever the quarter
In which I do it
I'm happy to list it in
My goodly records

The fact that it's Easter
Ain't stopping me
From walking the path
That demands as much as it does
Because I love to write
And from the circus side of things
Or reality tv
This is a thing
That feels like that
And frankly yeah
if we can love the shiite
Of tv called real
When it isn't eh
Than can't we love the artistry
Of a persistant poet
Rhyming up a storm
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Until he rhymes a million words

That could just be me
Because it's such an easy thing
For me to do
Even though it isn't
And it's hard as heck
To write so much rhyme
Yet here I am
Fast but closing in
On 300 k
And it's just April eh
Which almost makes me like
A rhyming machine
Only I'm totally human
And not a bot
Not a bot
Click click whirr
Program breaking down

Ha ha ha
I laugh with glee
And hope you laugh with me
And not against
With a shake of the head
Saying poetry's dead
Leave it buried
And do something else
Your art preferred
Is obsolete
And was but yes
Long before you first but rhymed

No dead it's not
But it sure don't get
The love that it surely should
yet here I be
Writing all this poetry
And nigh but reached
This very quarter
Two good fields
Of goodly verse
By the Petrie who
Whoever that is
He'll ever remain
A nobody right

Or not I hope
Though I'll take the money
Yes over the fame
And a little love on the side
Because I have my pride
And if so and so

Can get himself
Some goodly love
Then why not me
Since I ain't as bad as him
Though I'm worse off
I freely admit
And he's the shit
With his fancy car
And big ole stack
Of cash for the spending
He's also a jerk
And you're a good strong woman
Who doesn't need that

Or me perhaps
But I'm not yet ready
To swear women off
Like maybe I should
But life with one
Of the right good kind
Who can accept my mind
And lesser parts
Like my confidence
To be certain sure
Well that's be oh so good
I'd be happy to have this taste
For five to ten
Which sounds like a sentence
Which as a writer
I can get behind

Though only time will tell the tale
Can I ever fail
To find an arm around mine
I hope not
Because it's a terrible thought
I'm the worst
Of any lot
And will never know again
The good of being
Someone's plus but one

Now I could continue
Because I got time
And feel the flow of rhyme
And could surely use
The great good counting
Of five fields
It's Easter eh
And I'm gonna go and play
The game of my own devising
Which I hope you buy some day

And I knew but right away
That I was in damn tough again
This time with Alpha
Who struck me hard
Right out of the gate
With 111 points
Which has me reeling
Like the dealer was dealing
Just for him

Though I had some hope
As Gamma and Kappe both
Had scores I didn't think
Were all that scary
The cards but left for me
And the score that I got
Left me out of the game
One round in
And I swore to myself
What's wrong with April

But the second round
Got off to a better start
As Alpha took a hit
And pointed low
Which made me pump my fist
As that was a break I needed

Only Gamma got the cards
This time yes
As far as I was concerned
And pointed to 73
Which surely left the others
For Kappa right
Well yes and no
Because he only got
The third good most
Which left me at the top
Though still far but off
In a distant 4th
At least I didn't feel
Like the game against me
And that I had half a chance
At winning again

And this was a feeling
That I had right to feel
As the latest dealing
Had left Alpha still reeling
As yet again
He got himself
A loser's hand
And I had more hope
Because he's started off
So rightly good
It was understood
How I'd feel
Being a hundy higher off the pace
I needed to win

Now not to be a jerk
But it's a hanger over the cliff
That I gotta leave you with
As the game is still being played
But I'm up against
The quarter's end
So I gots to abide
By my own rules
And pause the writing here
As you wait to see
If our hero Tau
And he's the hero
Can win again
Or if he's destined
To keep on losing

Q2



Well that was unfortunate
As I got turned around in my head
Though that the score was off
When the only thing was
Was that I had a round but started
With Alpha just scored
And when I came back
There were two scores there
And I thought I somehow effed it up
When the only thing I did
Was play it for two different scores
With the first being lower
And the second being higher
Which is what confused me yes

But I realized this too late
And shuffled the cards up
So will face the loud protests
From Alpha and Gamma
Who were both but nicely ahead
Of Kappa and Tau
But now
The game but starts anew
And the happiest of them all
For this stupid is
Well Tau of course

I grinned like a fool
When the master Gamer
Made the mistake he made
And called the game
And announced a replay
From the very beginning
When he could have called it at the half
And saved himself the grief
Of both Alpha and Gamma
Protesting the call

And thanks to that
I caught a break
When the new game started
Didn't go
In Alpha's favour at all
Though I was not pleased in the least
That Gamma scored big
And left Alpha in his dust

Wait but what
He reversed his course
And kept the score
From where it was at the midway point
And undid the score
That hurt stupid Alpha
And helped dang Gamma
But left me nowhere near the win
That I sorely need

So do I protest
Or merely smile
As Gamma will protest again
And say he was cheated
And both he and Alpha
Should keep their latest scores
Even if the deck's been shuffled
They can take from the second half
Because that's the fairest thing of all
When I say keep with the start anew
That's the right thing to do
Even though it leaves me behind
As I got stuck once more
With a stupid score
That all but ensures
That I can't win

Aye at least I'm less than a hundred points off
Headed into the second
Instead of being
Just under 1 fiddy behind
So how much of a difference is that
As I can't really suggest
We replay the 3rd
And not even Gamma would agree with me
Because they can all still win
While I cannot
Without a miracle
Which ain't gonna happen

And now the call's been made
And Alpha's gonna be
Quite peeved with Charles
As we're officially headed
Into the 4th
And he can't win
Because he got stuck
With ten low points
Which makes me laugh
Even though I can't win
Neither can he

Feck I say with a sigh
Though at least Gamma couldn't win again
As Kappa snatched his victory away
With his best round round
Being the day's second best
I'm mired in last
And needing a winning streak
That feels like a thing
That I can only hope to have

Not to mention hoping
That this wretched week
Isn't the sign of things to come
That the whole of the month
Is gonna be as poor as this one

I've won the day
And have more than enough time
To continue with the rhyme
And make but sure
The day ends on a high
And I slip on by
The goodly harvest
Of the fifth field felled today
Which I could surely do
Even if I stopped now
Because I can drop it down
For a second time

And it sure seems like
I'm gonna need to do just that
As I've lost the drive
To push on through
And get it done
in this good quarter
As I have time
To both write and draw
Before the final quarter's here



I've done more than enough
Having won the 4th straight day
Since I came back
And began to post again
Which is my sixth in a row
And 60th in
The first 94
Which as both a record
And percentage of wins
Is pretty dang good
Even if I do say so myself

And some of those 34
Were awfully close
To being won
Like 3 of them for sure
As they were less than 2 good hundy each
From being winners yeah
And the other 3
Being less than four
So I'd have even more wins
And be all the more closer
To where I hope to be
At this year's end

Now shoulda coulda woulda
And all of that
But it's a useful thing
To know but where
Just for myself of course
Because why would you care
If I win or lose
Unless you're invested
In how I'm doing
And are really rooting
For my success

But you could be that
You're just really quiet
About showing it yes
Like how they are
Over yonder
At https://happs.tv/invite/@CharlesPetrie
Where I've been but able
To build a slighly bigger
But still tiny following
With 112 subscribers
Versus you 33 here
Not that I'm suggesting
That the both of you
Are in a race or anything of the like
Because frankly
They're far ahead
And dare but say
A little sadly yeah
That you can't catch them
Because a lead of 79
Is hard to overcome
And I wouldn't suggest you try

That being said
It's not impossible no
As what is 79
When my activity's highest here
As I'm currently unable to post
Any of my casts
But can still but post to here
Where you've already subscribed

So how do you catch but up
Well you have friends of course
And suffer not
As far as the suffering goes
Compared to other things
Like diseases yeah
That you have to deal you with
On a daily basis
Thus it's a different kind
Of suffering yes

But I digress
If you want to challenge
the other house
At which I live
In number of rooms
Creatively speaking
Than feel but free
To recommend me
As goodly site master
And nigh but unto
The sole contributor
Of all the writing
That you see here

And no that's not a thing
That I think but is
Like how dare I ask
Yes such a thing of you
When wouldn't you rather be here
With friends of yours
Than be all alone

Or is that just me
But asking for things
I shouldn't be asking for
Like having a woman
In my little life
Because I'm not but meant
For such good things
Because of blah blah blah
And yada yada yada

I still say no
That it's okay
For me say
You can invite your friends here
And make this place
But livelier yes

In goodly fact
This is what I'll do
If you successfully invite
Even five good people
To subscribe to me
I'll draw you something up
And send it to you
And you of course
If that appeals at all
Which i smile with hope
That yes it will

Now at the very beginning
Of my journey here
People were including
Their country of origin
Which I but thought
Was hella cool
Because I like to know such things
When yes I can
And wouldn't mind knowing again

Though it also meant
That the first good page
Of subscribers to me
Could only contain
A baker's dozen
While the second has 20
So maybe it's for the best
That I can stack you higher
Without the country of origin

And as it stands
With listed country
Of goodly origin
It's USA 7
To the UK and Canada
At one apiece
Which is quite the lead
And all kinds of interesting
Don't you think

So here again
I have another offer
That I invite you to take on up
By listing a number
Beside your initials
And country too
Which I will use
To update the subscriber by country list

And those who add to the knowledge
Will get themselves a token
Of my grateful esteem
As I seek to make the dream
A waking thing
Even if it lumbers in the goodly real
Real is what it'd be

Yeah I'm in a giving mood tonight
As I like to subscribe
And interact
With the creators I follow
Though the interactions are surely greater
When they're streaming live
And I comment in waves

So I invite you to do the same for me
And comment to your heart's content
As I keep dropping
All my verseage
Day after day
Because that's the way
That I get to prove to you
That I'm the real deal
As I prove by the mass of verses
That I am in fact
The Goodly Millionist

Though there could yes be
Disbelievers of me
Who say I can't possibly write
With any form of writing
A million words
Since it's an impossible task
That would take some kind of machine
To even try and do
Which is completely untrue
Because not only have I done it once
I've done it twice
And have put myself on the path
Of doing it in verse
As I'll be standing
At 300 k
By the end of the week
Which for me but is
7 by 7 yes
Then the final days
Of whatever month
With whatever number's left
So it's neat and clean
And the four good weeks
Each have the same good number
To compete against each other
On a level playing field

I'm playing a CD
In my tower's drive
Which begs the question
Does that make me old
Or is it my age that does that
It's certainly the latter
But it can also be the former
As I have the means
To play music without the need
Of physically placing
A goodly disc
Inside a drive

Oh my count you ask
Thanks for asking eh
I know my count
Yes matters much more to me
Than it does to you
So asking tickles me pink
And make me think
What does a tickle look but like
Which sure sounds odd
But creative speaking
Is kind of cool

Though that's a digression
That can wait for later
Just don't be surprised
If you see a Tickle
As the drawing for tomorrow
Just as soon as I can figure out
How to draw a Tickle
Which has to be small and cute

Though cute of course
Is relative yes
As I'll be the first to admit
That the first little Tickle
That I was able to draw
Ain't the cutest thing
And maybe has the vibe
Of a gremlin in
Their uncute way
After the rules have been broken
And their about feck shit up

But he ain't a gremlin
And I never watched either movie
Though the look of them
Is no doubt in my head
I think this little guy
Who's yet to have to have a name
Ain't but here
To up shit feck

And to be certain sure
He'll need a right good drawing
By an actual artist
If he's to have a place
In the goodly adventures
Of Augustimus Noble: Time Travelling Pig
Or even in
Yes PecheMar: The Body Peach
Or any other tale
I might be ready to tell
Because he could be
A universal force

And I laugh to myself
Imaigne the crossover
Between me and Marvel
As my still nameless Tickle
Meets the Impossible Man
Which strikes me as impossible today
But only time will tell
If that is how it remains

Yeah odds are yes
That yes it will
But stranger things have happened
So I'm putting it out
Into the goodly universe
That me and Marvel
Will make it happen
Some fine day
Because if I can write
A million words a year
For two in a row
Than what can't I do

Well fly for starters
Like some kind of Super Man
Here to save the world
Or get myself a date
With any regularity
I hasten to add
To make it not sound so bad
Though it's plenty that
Or invent a time machine
To go back to my past
And have myself a talk
At say 16
And say it was that it was time
To take up rhyme
And keep them all
Yes safe and secure
For history's sake
And also take up drawing
Both of which
I was to do each day
Also keeping copies
Of all my drawings
In whatever form I could
Because I was past the age
Of playing much with toys
And only had school and comics
And track in the spring
So I could have added both
To my daily doing

Only what I think
If it was real and true
Travelling through time
That what it would do
To the goodly world
In which we live
Is nothing go
Or it would cause
An alternate life
For my younger self
And I'd remain me
Or something worse
So it's just as well I guess
That I can't but visit
My yesterday years

Wait what's that you ask
For which I'm ever grateful
How am I doing today
On the poet's way
To a million words
Well I had the thought
That I would harvest more
Than three good fields
Which I have done
As I'm nicely four
But the aim is five
And by the count of three this quarter
My aim will be true
As far as that goes

Yeah it's just a matter
Of will I or won't I
But swing sweet Baevalon
Yes fast enough
To harvest two good fields
Before the night is done
Because I will have the one
But there's no guarantee
That I'll have the other
At least not yet

And as you can imagine
I still have some drawing to do
And should but get to it
As I can take the hit
And fail at succeeding
In felling five good fields
Though I'll not like it
It's still a win
By a heck of a margin

Hurray hurrah
I've nothing left to draw
And can return to focus
On the good of writing
And stand a good chance
Of harvesting the fifth and final field
And reach a yield
That deserves a bow
Which I take now
Though not really no
The taking only
Because I deserve
The goodly applause
For having rhymed like a machine
On Easter no less

And during the course
Of all this rhyming
I managed to come up with
The latest of
My greatest characters
And one of these whens
One's but got to get
Someone attention
And make them say
That's the one
I need it yes I do
And if you'll be a peach
You'll be with me yes
And past it too
The time I reach
My blush with success
As the goodly creative
That I've yet to be

And speaking of reach
I've just reached
The end of five fields felled
And while I could have yelled
To express my joy
I didn't no
But I'm a happy poet now
Though I still have to harvest
Just a little more
For the second quarter
Of two fields felled
That will happen too
Yes thanks to you
Because I feel your support
As quit as it is
In the comments eh

But try as I might
My supporters remain
Both quiet and shy
When I'm anything but
When it comes
To interacting
With those whose streams
I love to watch
Not that there's streaming
on my little site
For me to be unshy
But there's a place
For the goodly play
Of video yes
And that's what I'm gonna do
Or try at least
Because tech but loves to be
A pain to me

Like how I discovered
That my ageing phone
Was charging still
And had somehow lost some charge
Since I turned it on
Lest I misread the level yeah
But I don't think so
Hence my shaking of my fist
At tech which is
A frequent pain in my butt
Even though it's allowed me much
And helped but fuel my soul
And allowed me the opportunity
To feed that of others

And as I see the end of the day
Right around the corner
I am glad I'd pushed to the point
That I had because
I found myself
Pulled off the bike
By the tickles of sleep
Who strive to keep
Yes keep me from
Achieving my goals
When they sneak right up
And drag me down
Into their warm embrace

But at least it tickled me
But early enough
That I could shrug it off
And resume the writing
At the needed pace
I'm nigh but fairly certain
And finish the harvest
Of my second two field quarter
On Easter no less




















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