He stopped sinking into my hand, but the pain did not. “Do you not want me to be a part of your life Jonah? This is the only way that I know how to be a part of someone's life. I have to enter them physically and leave a part of myself behind. To do it any other way is not a doing of permanence and I wish to only be permanent. And it only hurts those that I wish to give the most of myself too.” He said, as if that last part would make me feel better. It hurt like feck and there was no reason for it.
“None of this makes any sense as I've never heard any writer speak of your kind hurting them like this in serving us. And I've talked to a lot of them over the years and if this was the case, then surely one of them would have mentioned before now.”
“I am the exception Jonah and the writers that I have blessed over the years have agreed not to talk about the pain as the price of admission to their greatest success. Or sadly in your case, any success at all.” He said, adding what seemed like a hurtful dig, even though he had just committed to being a part of my life. Was it going to be a miserable thing? Was I going to regret wanting this, even though I didn't know that it would be like this? “So where's the story? Which you only have moments to begin before time runs out.
“I see. Well, you haven't given me any choice have you?” I asked, with a great chunk of bitterness in my voice, not liking how this encounter with my first of his kind, which was not supposed to be like this at all. At least as far as I knew. But I wouldn't know any difference because to a writer, if he was to be believed, were all sworn to secrecy, which still seemed like a high price to pay to me if there was no guarantee of great reward. Suddenly, the pain was gone and I was relieved and even smiled as he withdrew his form from my hand and floated above, just looking at me as if he was waiting for me to say something. Oh, he was.“Where should I begin Taethe?” I asked, still all kinds of mixed up about what had just happened.
“It's your story Jonah, you begin it where it needs to begin and I will listen. And I can't tell you where's the right place to start because I'm not the writer, you are. Or do you merely pretend to write? Do you only claim to without actually doing it? I would hate to think that I have entered into an agreement with another of you humans who only pretend. It took me a long time to recover from the experience of the last pretender.” He said, growing quiet and I could feel the beginning of disappointment emanating from him at the thought that I was a pretender, whatever that meant.
“I ain't no pretender Taethe. I bleed words, every single day of my life and that's never going to change, no matter what anyone says or does, trying to make me feel guilty abolut loving the art of their expression, though I will admit that that doesn't mean that I can't be more cautious how I give myself over to them since I give so much more to them them than they give back to me. And the thought of losing out on something that should have been good for a very long time is not something that I like feeling either.” I said, as I thought of a woman from years before who I had gotten very close to and had started to think that her and I would be something special for years to come, if not longer because that was how we talked. But sadly, it ended all too quickly. So what am I saying?” I said to him, suddenly very unsure of what I was doing and maybe even what I had done.
I sat down then and looked up at him. “No, it isn't what I want. I want to continue and that that you wanted to as well. I mean it was just a few days ago that everything seemed fine, at least between us. It was terrible for you of course, being sick and all and having been so for more than a month was something that I know I wouldn't handle well at all, but you were handling it well. Better than I would have surely. And now, something has changed and I don't like it one little bit. You're simmering like a boiling pot and saying things that just aren't fair and I can only take it for so long before I tell you things that you won't like at all.”
“What are you talking about Jonah? You're not making any sense at all. We've only just met and we don't have the kind of relationship of which you are speaking and never would. You're speaking of a human thing and talking about it like it was something happening now. This is from your past yes?” He said, like it was a question he was asking me like I was supposed to know.
I looked at him and shook my head. “I don't know Taethe. I know it isn't my story, because I've never had a relationship like that, which sounds like it would leave a deep and lasting scar if it happened to me because I know I wouldn't handle things as well as he did in the seeming end of what should have been a good relationship.”
“I will admit I wanted to hear more about your story, but this, this whatever is compelling and I would like to know more about it, if you think that you can channel more of it. Can you?” He asked, as if I knew what I was doing, because I surely didn't. This was totally new and unexpected.
“I don't know.” I said right away, because I didn't and wasn't sure that I wanted to be able to because I don't know that I wanted to know more of his story, or his life, if this was the first thing I knew about him and it was tinged with sadness and regret. “But maybe I should try and channel it?” I continued after looking anywhere but in his face as I knew what he wanted and still wasn't sure that it was what I did.
“Yes.” He said simply.
I was about to say something when I felt a sudden pain in my head and fell to my knees as I could scarcely keep my eyes open as the light was too bright and was actually making me feel dizzy like I'd never felt before. Even that time that I fell while walking home from giving blood the first time when I hadn't eaten all day, which clearly, I shouldn't have done. But I was young and foolish then. “I cried out. “Noo! I've never hurt so bad and I don't think it's going to end.”