“I know you don't want to hear it Dan, but you should really consider giving up on finding love because when does it ever work out for you?” He asked Henry asked from the comfort of his beautiful recliner that his wife had bought for him on their 20th Anniversary. And one which I knew that I myself would never have because I would never been married and never would be, which I knew with a sad certainty.
“You know me Henry, I'm stupidly stubborn and keep believing that I will find someone that will give me a chance to prove myself the right man for her and will give me a chance to apologize for my latest screwup and be able to talk about it after a few hours, or at worst, a couple of days. Surelythat's not too much to ask for? I asked Henry, as I lay on his sofa, the tears of my latest debacle with a woman still drying as it seemed like just that day we'd been all good. But breakups happen easily for me, though rarely over such a fixable misunderstanding. At least that was how I saw it.
“Yes Dan I do. But how long have you been looking for the right woman? And in that time, how many have you actually dated for longer than a year?” He asked, knowing all too well what the answer was because he was a version of me, only one that had made something of his life in all the ways that mattered. I hadn't outdone him in any. Not that I was competing with him mind you, but it would have been nice to have one victory.
“One woman with whom it was never going to work out with, no matter how many time I kept breaking and unbreaking her heart. She was better off without me actually.” I said, sighing again for the umpteenth time.
“Exactly Dan, you're how old again? Not to mention you're still struggling and your charms aren't going to overcome your nigh eternal state of said struggle to succeed when they've no doubt doine more with their lives than you have with yours. And in a shorter amount of time too.” He said, sounding , in that moment, like he was tired of my string of failures and the need to talk to him like this in the immediate aftermath of the latest failure to love.
I'm 48 Henry, as you well know we have the same day of birth, even though you were born on Wednesday and I was born on a Saturday because of the quirks of parralel diemsnioanl math or something.” I said, not understanding why it should be the case, but knowing better than to question it because that kind of science was beyond my understanding.
“I know, my point is, you have think about giving up on the idea of finding anyone because it's pretty clear that it isn't going to happen for you Dan. And I can't keep helping you through these breakups. Just because we're alternates of each other doesn't mean I am obliged to you, not for this, not for so long. I'm done Dan.” He said as he stood up and went to the fridge and took himself a beer before closing it. But he topped and sighed. “Do you want another drink Dan?” Just because he was done with this, didn't mean that he was done with me. And to come back to the recliner without offereing me anything would have been a little jerky and he knew it too.
“If it's not too much trouble Henry, I'll take a soda.” I said, as I'vce never cared for the taste of beer as I didn't care for alcohol and hadn't ever been drunk, something I was proud of, not that I knew anyone in my life who had a problem with it, I was just proud.
“Of course you want a soda Dan. But one of these, youreally should have a drink. One is not going to kill you and it might just help you with your shyness with women in the real world. You have to get out from behind the computer and go analog with your asking.” He said as he returned to the fridge, pulled out my favourite soda, poured it into a glass that he took from the glass cupboard and finally placed it beneath the atomatic ice dispenser and said five cubes please, which had always been my favourite number of ice cubes for any drink.
“Thanks Henry.“ I said, sitting up as I took the drink from him and thanked him with a rasing of the glass, hurt by his decision, but understanding it too because I had done this ten times with him and it wasn't ever going to change.
“So, please, take six months, without trying to get with anyone, no matter how much they throw themselves at you, which we both know is unlikely and just be by yourself! Be happy being single. Because remember, “This is where you are. Happiness is up to you.” He said, as he sat back down and cracked open his beer and took a long swig, almost like it tasted good.
“Six months?” I said, hating the idea right away. “You know I can't do that Henry, even if I should, it would just hurt too much to be lost in my thoughts as a single man, Like it was a failing.” I said as I put the drink down on the coaster and lay back down on the sofa as another wave of tears came upon me.
“I did it for two years after graduating High School and it was the best decision I ever made Dan. Because when I came back from my time away, I had a this amazing sense of confidence that made women take notice because my biggest problem in dating in High School was the woe is me thing I had going on because I was too shy to ask the girls out. And that would have continued if I hadn't taken the time that I did.” He said, taking another swig of his bear looking very much like he was remembering great times past.
“Two years Henry? Those were the best years of your life, newly graduated from High School and in the best shape of your life right? I could never have done that and as you, I sucked at dating in High School. If it had been a subject, I would have failed it.” I said, remembering my past as a flood of noes from all but two of the girls that I asked out then.
“I never said two years Dan, though you could use them, I only said six months and you should definitely do it. And frankly, I should have insisted on this years ago. So that's bad on me for not doing that.” He said,as he took another swig of beer, though this time, the look on his face was not so much the cat that swallowed the caanry but why didn't I think of that before.
“Six months eh? And that includes talking to women online?” I said, hoping that he wouldn't suggest taking that away from me.
“Especially women online! I'd have said that at anytime since it became possible to chat online, but since the Experience, that's got to be a hard and fast rule, especially for you Dan, I know you've been Experiencing like a fool of late. Not Experiencing for six months is the best thing for you even if the whole not trying to date thiing fails, at least you'll get a break from that and might move on from it. You should be out in the real, not getting by on glorified masturbation. You're Daniel H. Periman, start living up to your potential before it's too late.” he said setting his beer down on his coaster with more force than I would have expected him to” He was visibly angry with me.
“What the hell Henry? Why are you so angry?” I said as I sat up and looked at him as he crossed the distance between us in a furious state.
“What the hell Daniel? How many times did you think I was going to just sit here and be the supportive alternate self for you when you never asked me how I was doing all these times after your heart was broken. Boo hoo, I'm so sorry for you Daniel H. Periman, another woman done did you wrong. Well get over it because we all have problems.” He said, as it dawned on me that I never had, I'd always assumed that everything was perfect for him as he'd never said anything to the contrary.
“What are you talking about?” I said, finally askig him what I should have asked him years ago. “What's wrong with your perfect life Henry?” I didn't expect the answer that he gave me.
“You are Daniel! You are! I bet it's not the answer that you thought you'd get but it's the truth!” He said as he raged at me and would have made me afraid except I knew that he'd never get into a fight with anyone if he could help, least of all me.
I stood up, looked at the unfinished soda and knew that I wasn't going to finish it. In fact, I knew that I was going to leave very soon. “I don't know what to say Henry, I didn't know that there was anything wrong in your life. You were the always successful one, the one that I could never be better at.” I said, reeling as this whole turn of events had come out of the blue and was the last thing I'd ever expected to happen. I was beside msyelf witn confusion. And in front of myself looking very much like I was going to hit me.
He'd seen me look at the soda and in the mood that he was in, he wasn't going to let that slide. “Oh by all Daniel, finish the damn soda. Please, I'd be a terrible host if I didn't insist that you finish it.
“I'm sorry that your life has turned to shit without my noticing it Henry, but I really have to go now.” I said as I started to walk away from the sofa, not running like I should have, but taking a few steps as quickly as I could without doing that because the idea of running from myself struck me as a terrible thing.
“Oh no you don't Dan, you're not leaving here without finishing that damn soda. I can't control my wife telling me to tell you to get a goddamn life because you're a loser and since I am a version of you, all these times that I've been helping you has made her see me as just a better looking version of you and that made her sick and she left me because of it.” He shouted, collapsing as he did so and laying there in a heap, sobbing like he was broken. How I could think to do anything but stay there and listen if that was what he wanted would have marked me as the worst version of myself. And that wasn't me. I was going to stay and only leave when he told me to, certain sure that he wasn't going to throw me out. Not me, even if I was nothing like him because he was successful where I was not, it would be like throwing himself out and he'd never do that in a million years. We were going to work this out. That I promise you. We'd been in each other's lives too long for this to end with anything short of death.