Dear Arathaea
Though given the silence between us, that word is said differently now, then it was during the brevity in which things were different.
When you actually liked me as the silence is a good indication that you no longer even like me.
And why?
Because of something that I wouldn't even brought up if I'd known that it was going to lead to this hard silence.
But I did.
Though to be honest, as stupid as it was how I went about it, with admittedly too much vagueness because I was being too clever for my own good.
I know, stupid right?
Well, that is my history with women of all kinds.
Why should it be any different with an alien one?
Of course, why would a beautiful Aebaedian even want an everyday human like me?
Fine, I have a sexy mind, at least according to you, but was that enough, because you're as pretty as a painting painted by a master with wings that burst into coldfire when you're really into someone.
And your wings burst thusly with me.
I was amazed because I've wanted to know an Aebaedian ever since your people drew into orbit with the Earth aboard Baikodah, your moon sized station where you live.
How cool is that?
Though I think that my saying I wanted to live on Baikodah with you freaked you out and was the first tear.
But that paled in comparison to the terrible rip that was my not wanting to talk about your wing shedding.
Like, I'd rather talk about a human woman's reproduction cycle than the Aebaedian shedding of wings, even though it's natural and all Aebaedians do and the art made from it is beautiful.
So you have to know that I'm kicking myself over it. I wish I had said a thing about it.
Or if I had, I'd have been straight up about it.
Totally stupid.
I'd take it back if I could.
But I can't.
And by the time I was speaking clearly, you were in a state that meant you were not going to listen to anything that I had to say.
It was totally unfair to me, but we're all unfair to others at times, even those we really care about.
And for longer than we did.
Needless to say, it's been a rough month for me as I've grown less and less hopeful that you'd deign to deign to even be my friend.
Which begs the question, that I cannot being to ask outside of the thoughts in my head that are both of sadness and anger.
So I'm not going to ask it because I believe that you did. And that given time, you'll at least admit to yourself that you overreacted, even if you never again want to talk to me at all, though that's the ego and feeling really embarrassed when u understand the whole issue.
Still, if I hadn't even brought it up in the first place, especially as I did, it wouldn't have happened and we'd be talking about our time together.
And I wouldn't be half a wreck, bouncing back between sadness of knowing that I'm never going to make you laugh again, or spend time with you and see your wings turn into coldfire knowing that I touched your heart.
That sucks because I felt at my best knowing that I made you laugh because I can't remember the last time that I made a human woman laugh at all.
I'm just not meant to be with a human woman.
And I couldn't be with another Aebaedian Arathea, you're the only one I see .
Not that any of them would give me a second look. Or that I would want them to.
You can scoff all you want and shout when you see this when it arrives on Baikodoh and makes its way to your personal chambers and announces that you've got Earth.
You can even lodge a formal protest with the AebHu Council and force me in front of it to have the book thrown at me as the majority AebHu decisions favour you.
That certainly gives rise to the idea that you Aebaedians run the Earth now and keep us down.
It's not like that, except for when it is.
Like with Humans and Aebadians dating, 90% of which are like us, the human is a male and the Aebaedian is a female. And she is the one who ends it, even if the reasons are borne out of misunderstanding.
See, I never said anything about your famidjeae, you just thought I did. You bled with them on the High nests rioght before the world pulsed and you had a week to pack up everything.
I would never question that dear Arathaea. I wish you'd stopped to ask why I would and just asked me what the hell was up instead of washing your hands of me.
Had you stopped and thought long enough to let me explain, even if you were still furious with me, we would have been fine, even if it took a week or two of silence.
That would have been better than a month going on forever.
So why am I even sending this to you when I am resigned to the fact that there is no tomorrow with us even as friends, let alone the something that we would have been which would have been a sweet memory after it ended?
Because I have to believe that at some point, if you don't delelte it right away of course, you'll come to read this and I wanted you to know, I'm going to take the time as you suggested and be by myself, because that's what I need to fix, which is what you were saying when you were being most unfair and...
But I don't want to finish that thought.
Also, I wanted to thank your for seeing the best parts of myself and for a time, liking them enough that I sparked the coldfire in you. I'll always remember that, even on the days that it will feel liike forever before I love again.
Yeah, I loved you Arathaea, you knew that, even if I couldn't tell you. Would that have helpe any?
Maybe, but we'll never know will we?
Hey, maybe you decide you want me back in your life again and I will be there, I just know that I'll never be the same again and you are going to haunt my dreams for a very logn time.
I haven't haunted yours have I? No I don't suppose I have, or ever could.
Ll, for those few days, I felt like I could fly and that we would meet and fly together, even if was for but a moment, a moment with you would have made me feel like I could do anything.
But it never happened because I was stupid and you got caught up in a simple misunderstanding that shouldn't have been anything more than a cold hard night, maybe two.
What a stupid way for things to end, but here we are, only there's no us and someone else will make you happy for a time.
It just won't be me, your very own warriet.
Though you no longer think of me that. That stopped the day you wrecked my heart.
Now, I'm just Bjorn Anders, some human you knew once. Cared about but ultimately, found I wasn't worthy of you.
That's a judgement that I can live with.
I miss you Arathaea and I'll always wish you well.
Bjor