I did not write in the first and the drive to write now is low. It's just my determination to write in both halves that has me writing now.
Aye, it's not even the drive to harvest a thousand fields because I'm not concerned about that because in my head, I've already secured that eventuality even though I haven't.
Not yet. I can still fail in my grand ambition to stretch it to two years.
Though with a daily need to harvest fewer than 27 rows a day, I'm still doing okay.
It will only be a concerne if it should rise to 30 rows.
As for harvesting 20 fields, that's not going to be an easy doing after yesterday's result and the lack of today's drive.
Besides, I need to average a harvest of almost 32 rows a day and I ain't getting anywehre near today.
That's a certainty as I waited until the final hour of the 2nd quarter to have at it and I'm not even feeling the drive to write hard, which in this case would be two fields.
But at least I'm striking out further in the 2nd quarter today than I did yesterday.
“You think you're clever don't you Brohsk? Taking shots at me like I wouldn't know what you're doing? I am Koriiza, I know and see all.” She said, grinding her teeth at me like she was ready to pierce my fuzzy skin.
“That is precisely why you shouldn't trouble yourself with the light mocking that I am doing of you by featuring myself on every cover like I was anything more than Brohsk, the humble little peach from nowhere town who thought your accomplishments, while great and good, did not leave you beyond a righteous mocking. I am punching up, way up. Anything you do would be punching way down and leave you in a bad light” I said with a smile, not the least bit bothered that she was fuming at me and looking like she was ready to pop in a fit of pique.
She glared at me knowing I was right and there was nothing that she could do because even the most powerful could be mocked without any recourse since it was art.
Wow, the drive to write is all but gone and it's going to be two days without writing a single word of Mortuvhen.
What is up with that?
And this will be the first day that I haven't written anything in the kindness story since I started writing it a week ago yesterday.
So much for a week of 20 harvested fields I'm thinking because how much can I write in 29 minutes of the 3rd and an hour in the 4th.
Am I even going to harvest a field today?
Wow, I suck at this don't I?
No wonder I only have two subscribers if the writing gets a little tough and I fold up my tent and throw it in the backl of the Uber because I can't drive and I headed out into the wilderness expecting to write a ton.
I was today years old when I realized I was wasting my life on a dream that wasn't ever going to happen and that I still had time to make myself into a presentable person that my parents wouldn't have to shake their head about when friends asked about how I was doing.
Granted, I was 43 and that was a lot of wasted years, but I could find a job as a cashier and be accepting of that as my lot in life as I took a year to figure out if there was a course that I could take to give me something more meaningful than cashiering that I could do for the next 25 years and have enough money to retire on.
Would I hate that I had wasted so many years and not seen it through to the end because until ten minutes ago, I was still thinking that I was going to make something of myself as a writer and artist, two skills which pair well together.
But my drawing is barely better than my writing which is pretty unconvincing.
So it's like I'm in a boat that's sprung a leak and the water is slowly filling it up and I don't wantt to go down with the ship.
Yeah, it's that bad.
The only problem with giving the writing and drawing up this very day is that I just paid for one of those ready to build websites and it's past the two weeks where IO can get my money back so I'm in a bind.
Luckily I chose a name that wasn't too personal that no one would be able to use it but who's going to want to buy it?
But if I got a job this month then I wouldn't worry so much about the site that I had paid for that was just going to die because I realized I really was doing the wring thing, which is what my parents had been thinking all along and were just too kind to say.
I've got no problem saying they were right and I was wrong, I just wish that I didn't have to you know.
Though if I want any chance at dating before I'm old enough that I might as well give up on the idea entirely, having a job that I can post in my profile on the dating site would be a good thing.
Of course, this is all easier said than done and can I really walk away from all these years of effort, even when others have said stop, you're never going to make it and I can't be with someone who's too behind to see the truth?
That was my last two exes who said that to me, one when I was 34 and the other five years ago,
I guess I can't say that they were wrong can I?
Not after coming to this realization myself.
Is this a story that will continue past today?
I was thinking about having pizza tonight, though I would have had to go out for it when it was after seven on a night that I was maybe not going to write until the end of the day.
I started off so well then I had supper and goofed off for a little.
So I'm probably going to write to the end of the day as I got some catching up to do and the the 4th is trailing the 3rd which is not something that's often been the case this decade.
I'm not going to write either of the two stories that I did have a streak going on with though I think I'll be continuing that story that I began in the 3rd when I wrote for 29 minutes and chundered out more than 600 words, which is the opposite of what I've don in this one.
Oh bother.
Then again, maybe not, because I'm not feeling it and don't even know the man's name. Fine, it's Kevin Purthaby. And he's a 43 year old wannabe success who writes and draws.
Sounds much like myself,
Only younger.
And five years smarter?
What else do I need to know about him?
His site?
That might help.
I have almost no drive whatsoever.
Did I lose it and I'm going to fall all the way off the pace finish more than 200,000 words short of the second straight millionized year?
Ugh if that's the case.
Maybe I should just go to bed and forget about how little I've written in the past two days.